As I always do in tricky situations, I’ve been seeking refuge in my many Disney albums. And, in that self-obsessed kind of way, a lot of them I found extremely relevant to the thoughts in my head.
There may be something there that wasn’t there before.
I’ve been silently thinking these things for weeks, maybe even months. Not allowing them to form more than a dream-like ‘what if?’ and never letting myself voice what was going through my head. Things might have been clearer if I had some Muses singing Gospel songs to me.
Then again, if I could get any Disney character to miraculously appear for a little musical advice, I think I’d want Sebastian. He could just hide in my office until the next ‘moment’ presents itself and then subliminally guide us…
I nipped out of the office at lunch time to head over to the shop. The twittersphere detailed a certain Mr Cumberbatch being on the front page of the Telegraph magazine so I picked up a copy (and a half-priced chocolate bar). It was only when I sat down at my desk to peruse the paper while eating my sandwiches that I realised the tweets I read were a few days old and the magazine only comes out on Saturdays. Blonde moment. I read the paper anyway and was suddenly taken back to my A Level Politics days of devouring world news and living off current affairs. Although I never harboured any political ambitions I took two optional courses in Politics in my first year as an undergrad and again became an avid news-watcher.
Once I didn’t have to know exactly what was going on in politics, I fell out of the habit. I am just not a person who can do something half-heartedly. My mum describes me as very ‘black and white’ and I guess I am in some ways. If I like something, I like it a lot. Once I spent some time away from politics I couldn’t get back into it. It took so much time and energy and I have other passions which I feel more strongly about. I’ll still raise my head and sniff curiously when there’s a general election or a public enquiry but I’m definitely not the newshound I once was.
Embarrassingly, I’m now more of a magazine kind of girl. Not celeb mags though *shakes head despairingly* I like fashion, shoes and shameless stories about getting in touch with the ‘inner you’ or how to talk your way out of a bad second date. As such, I am an avid reader of Glamour and Cosmo. I enjoy just kicking back (usually in the bath), turning my brain off for a while and letting the bright colours and energetic journalism wash over me.
The title for this random musing comes from a song of a local band I used to like. I only really went to their gigs because I was dating the bass player but some of their songs were annoyingly catchy and even now, after three years, I find little refrains going round in my head. This song was about an intellectual guy frustrated by his attraction to a seemingly dim-witted girl and his attempts to successfully woo her even though they had nothing in common. My favourite lines were ‘I’m talking Tolstoy while she reads magazines’ and ‘I buy her sweeties, but she’s got diabetes’. And I’m sorry but if you rhyme ‘sweeties’ with ‘diabetes’ you already get a big thumbs up from me. This song seemed to represent how Bass Player viewed our relationship. He took the silly random things I do as symbolic of me not being overly intellectual. We met at uni and he therefore knew how smart I am and the grades I get but somehow kept trying to introduce me to more cultural pursuits, buying me weird Japanese novels, making me watch arty subtitled movies and generally trying to improve me.
The thing is, I know I am intelligent. I’m not trying to blow my own trumpet but I’m comfortable in my cleverness. However, I also know that I’ve only achieved the academic success I’ve had because I work damn hard at it. I worked hard to get into a good grammar school where I worked hard for my GCSEs and A Levels to get into a great university. I got a first class degree with honours, picked up awards, secured funding for my Masters and now stand on the precipice of a fully-funded PhD; all because of the hard work and determination I’ve put into my studies.
The Academic Me is only part of my personality. I can’t be that smart all the time, it would be exhausting. I enjoy my downtime. I love watching murder-based tv shows. I have a pretty unhealthy obsession with Benedict Cumberbatch. I like looking at shoes, buying shoes and judging the shoes of others. It makes me happy when I have brightly coloured nails and matching jewellery. I have a fondness for the guy humour of Seth Rogen and Will Ferrell. And I like to read magazines in the bath.
I firmly believe that it is virtually impossible to feel down while wearing happy colours. It is for this reason that I wear pink almost exclusively. Of course, there are those who mock my pink-ness, my dedication to finding the most glaringly bright shades of the colourknown to mankind. These are usually boring people who wear grey. Wearing pink makes me happy.
Happiness is often hard to come by so why not grasp it with both hands when you find it?
Here I am, a girl wearing pink, ready to tell the true stories of my life. Firstly, I shall share some quick-fire facts about myself, to ease you into the crazy workings of my mind.
1) No matter how old I get, I will always love classic Disney movies.
2) I could not survive without caffeine.
3) One day I’d like to own a yellow VW Beetle. And name him Jeremy.
4) I have a strange fascination with having my picture taken with a chocolate digestive biscuit.
5) I am the unhealthiest person I know.
6) I once had a total epiphany from cutting an apple in half.
7) People say I own too many shoes. I don’t believe there is such a thing as ‘too many’.
8) I am the most awful cook and a liability in the kitchen.
9) It is my dearest ambition to become a respected religious historian. This can also be read as ‘I am a massive dork.’
10) I believe in God and would not be the person I am today without my faith in Him.