It’s all been a bit doom and gloom around here lately. Sorry about that but there’s no use pretending I’m strong when I’m really not.
I’ve felt incredibly sorry for myself lately and, yes okay, things have been pretty crappy but I need to give myself a good shake and sort my head out.
Brief update on last post: aware of the many, many things that were/are going wrong in my life (daily pain, feeling faint from not being able to eat due to said pain, car repeatedly failing MOT and therefore not having a car, troubles with Best Friend…to name a few) I forced myself to go into the office on Thursday. I borrowed my mum’s car to get there. Best Friend was a) shocked that I had turned up, b) anxious to know why I had fallen off the face of the earth for a week and c) slightly alarmed by my attire (fat jeans) and my messy hair with zero make-up. I should point out at this stage that without make-up I look like a vampire, pale waxy skin, dark circles under eyes. In fact, it is a constant struggle to find make-up pale enough to match my natural skin tone. Maybe one day there will be a make-up range expressly for girls who resemble Scandinavian vampires…
Best Friend, upon realising my state of mind, tried his best to cheer me up. This didn’t really work as I opened feedback for my Masters dissertation and promptly started crying (it did not go well, but that’s a whole other story). I went outside to pull myself together and returned to find him standing awkwardly in the middle of the room holding his arms out to give me a hug. Aware of his own limitations when it comes to social conventions, he then offered me an everton mint. In his own odd way, he was trying to do something to help. I then had lunch (well, I didn’t actually eat) with my Toyboy. He didn’t have any mints but did give me a scratchcard in a bizarre effort to cheer me up. The day got even weirder when I went to pick up my friend Chel who had offered to come with me to support group. Her mum came out and summoned me in. I was then handed a baby, my friend’s one month old niece.
My friends are very odd but I appreciated their random efforts to make m smile.
In responding to a comment on my last post, I started thinking about how the people in my life must see me. It brought back something that happened about a month or so ago. Toyboy and I went along to the young adults’ group in church for an evening of ‘Prayer, Praise and Pancakes’ (utterly awesome title, don’t ya think?) and by means of an ice-breaker we each had to reveal some facts based on playing cards. We each had to pick two cards from a deck and whatever suit you got determined what you had to reveal. Hearts = something you love, diamonds = something that’s precious to you, spades = something you’re working on and clubs = something you struggle with.
My two diamonds represented my education and my health. As I said health, I saw a look of surprise in some of my friends’ faces. I explained that when you have such bad health, you learn to appreciate the good days more because you know what the bad ones are like.
I think it might have been this statement that prompted one girl in the group to pray specifically for me during the first short time of prayer. I know that people pray for me and it is something I am very grateful for but something struck me as this girl prayed. It was like she got everything that I go through and exactly what I needed. Her prayer was so sincere that it made my eyes a little leaky. I never knew she was so aware. I’ve said before that I have only recently been making an effort to talk honestly about my condition and I don’t spend that much time with the group because I can’t always do everything they plan. It really touched me.
I’m so thankful for my friends, their caring, their prayers and their own bizarre ways of helping me.